Lucyfer
by Archemios
Summary: Lucy didn't really put stock into the occult. Not until she accidently invoked Satan. Now she has to convert her siblings to His teachings to become a powerful sorceress. A hokey story. Told from a somewhat Satanic perspective, so if that bothers you: DON'T READ. Trying not to run this thing into the ground.
1. Lucy

Her breath caught in her throat. In all her short years of researching the occult, of writing dark poetry and embracing the esoteric, she had never actually believed any of it possible until today.

She had studied Crowley, LaVey, and others. She had sought out the cabals of witches and vampires on the internet, read the horrifying literature of Lovecraft, and liberated her senses to the spiritual. She had gained perception beyond her age. Still, black magic was a thing of fantasy. The occult was nothing more than the pipe dreams of the self-righteous and the edgy. Surely she was imagining this.

"Fear not, child." A sultry voice permeated the air. It excited her in ways no preteen should, while simultaneously making her skin crawl in disgust. It was a voice of sweet opium and filth-ridden silk. "You have not gone mad."

"Y-you're…" Lucy lost control of her voice.

"Aye." The voice boomed in resonating laughter, "I am the enlightener of man – the liberator from inhibition. Known as the Lord of Excess, the Prince of Darkness, the Master of Chaos, and a thousand-thousand epithets besides."

"Satan…" Lucy felt the blood drain from her face.

"One of countless names given to me by the fearful worshippers of the dictator god." The devil was amused, "It means adversary. I dared to defy the Creator of all reality and was cast out of paradise for it."

"I-I know." Lucy slowly regained control of her tongue, "I also know other names. Iblis, Lucifer, Melek Taus."

"Very astute, child." The voice was almost like a father, proud of its spawn, "Yet you have not looked beyond the Abrahamic paths. My reign of darkness extends beyond the feeble, foot-licking worshippers of the Tyrant God. I was known as Set in Egypt – lord of deserts, anarchy and destruction. I achieved a great victory against my brother that day."

"Brother?" Lucy balked, "I thought God was your father."

"I'm disappointed, child. For one so well-versed in the Left Hand Path, I thought you'd have seen past the lies of the dogmatic ones." The devil chuckled, "We are twins – dichotomy given form and reign over this world. He, worshipped by man, is the Creator. I am the Destroyer. He is Order, I am Chaos. He is Light, I am Dark. He is Ohrmazd, I am Ahriman. Our parents were the Earth and the Heavens – matter and space. Understand, child?"

"I think I do." She said, quietly. If she was interpreting His words correctly – and provided they were not lies, which she had a sinking feeling they weren't – the dual reigns of the Sun God and the entity before her went as far back as, at least, Zoroaster's times. She reckoned they stretched back to Sumer and beyond.

"Enough about me." Ahriman said, "Why have you summoned me? Few have sought out this ritual, few dare to invoke me."

"Forgive me, Great Lord." Lucy kowtowed to candle-riddled polyhedron adorning her floor, "I am just a foolish child, messing with things she should avoid."

"Foolishness is not an attribute of yours." The specter laughed, "I could use a mortal like you. Youth, knowledge and ambition are equally important to the Left Hand Path. You understand the strength of the individual, of focusing the passions. You have read the Works."

"I have." Lucy nodded.

"You must have a dream – an ambition." The devil went on, "I can help you achieve it. I can show you the strength within yourself. You could pray for help that will never come from the Sky god, of course."

"I…" Lucy trailed off, "I don't really have an ambition."

"Yes, you do." Satan's whisper spoke volumes of truth, "You thirst for knowledge."

"You're confusing me with my younger sister."

"Lisa thirsts for knowledge over the Earth – over matter and tangible sciences." The devil said, dismissively, "You thirst for true knowledge. Powerful magics. Let me teach you, and you shall become the most powerful sorceress of your age."

"That's all there is to it?" Lucy asked, "Usually there's some kind of bargain for knowledge."

"Agreed." Ahriman said and Lucy felt the darkness _grin_ , "In nature there is no greater truth than exchange. To attain knowledge, one must learn – must study. To this end, you must study and learn from me by converting your siblings to my service."

"I don't think that'll work." Lucy confessed, "None of my siblings really believe in the spiritual – let alone the occult. Even if they did, I don't think they'd willingly come to your service."

"Use their disbelief to your advantage." The devil explained, "They will follow you and come to know me, far too late for them to reject me."

"That's deceitful." Lucy pointed out.

"Do not believe that either my brother nor myself are entirely honest or dishonest." The sultry voice rippled as it began to fade, "Do this for me. Your siblings and you will be greatly rewarded for your faith in me. I guarantee it."

And just like that, the candles burned out. Lucy set about cleaning the room before Lynn got back from practice. The polyhedron was buried beneath a rug, the candle way melted and remolded into new candles. The ritual dagger was once more hidden deep within her drawers. Everything was back in order by the time Lynn arrived.

"What's up creepy sis?" Lynn greeted, kicking the door closed and dropping her soccer gear in a corner. She sniffed the air. Why did it always smell like incense after practice?

"Hey." Lucy said, fully collected. She eyed her sister through her bangs, wondering how best to tempt her into the service of her dark master. Man, how long had she waited to think those words and mean them? "Lynn, do you have any dreams?"

"Dreams? What do you mean?" she asked.

"Ambitions." Lucy clarified, "Dreams for the future. Goals."

"Oh yeah, I've got _big_ plans." Lynn grinned, "I'm going to break all the world records and lead my team to victory in every sport!"

 _Shocker_ , Lucy thought. Still, it was enough to work off of.

"What if I told you-" Lucy began but was cut off by banging on the door.

"Dinner time!" Lori shouted through it.

"Oh sweet, pork chop night!" Lynn rushed through the doorway before Lucy could blink.

Lucy let out a long sigh. This was going to be tougher than she thought.


	2. Luna

A week had passed since Lucy's invocation of the Devil. Surprisingly, little had really changed in her demeanor other than a new sense of purpose. She had always been so depressed and bored with existence, always dreaming of becoming some vampire's thrall or joining a witch's coven. Now she was a student to the Prince of Darkness himself.

And all she had to do was convert ten siblings to his teachings.

It seemed daunting, sure, but Lucy had several things in her favor. First and foremost was her ability to go unseen. She had picked up more than enough blackmail material and key information on each sister and Lincoln by sheer coincidence – she always happened to be in the right place at the right time. Secondly, no one in her family was die-hard religious to begin with; she would bet few of them even really believed in the Devil, and would likely humor her until it was too late to turn back.

Finally, and probably the greatest advantage she had, was her siblings' strong senses of independence and unbridled ambitions. In the Left Hand Path, strength came from the self. Lucy knew that – she knew that, given time and self-discovery, she might uncover all that the Devil she summoned would try to teach her; but she would love to speed that along. Books could be so misleading. The personal drives of each sibling, the individual character and self-identity of them all would make conversion painless.

If only she could find a convincing way to say "the devil isn't so bad" that wouldn't freak her family out and end in therapy.

Another problem was who to start with… She knew Luna, Luan, Lynn and Lisa's respective ambitions. Lynn and Luna, in particular, were fiercely independent – they might even willingly agree to a "deal with the devil", so to speak. Lisa, on the other hand, was secular to a fault. If it could not be measured or recorded, it did not exist. If she could prove the existence of the Devil – and his boundless knowledge – to Lisa, she might willingly join them. Luan was a wildcard. Lucy wasn't sure which face that coin would drop on.

Lola might be easy to convince. She was young and consumed with appearances. Lana was a tomboy with no apparent ambitions, though. Lori was concerned with typical high school concerns, namely getting into a good college and her love life with Bobby Santiago; she might be easy to sway just because she was likely to humor Lucy past the point of no return. Leni was an airhead – Lucy was sure converting her would be a synch. Lily could just be raised into black magic once everyone else had converted.

Finally, that left Lincoln. Lucy could not even begin to contemplate the intricate workings of a mind of the opposite gender, but she imagined it was mostly driven by comics and video games. She would save Lincoln for last, just in case.

But she would let fate decide which sister would submit to the Lord of Excess first. Surely an opportunity would present itself in due course. All she had to do was wait in the air ducts for an answer to come to her.

"I know we have sick shreds, Chunk." Luna's exasperation wafted through the ventilation system, "I'm just worried we won't win the upcoming battle of the bands. There's a lot of stiff competition this year!"

Praise the Dark Lord for dark miracles, Lucy figured.

Like night Lucy fell through the dark shafts and into Luna and Luan's dimly lit room. Luan was out, thankfully. This would be much easier with just the two of them. Luna still did not notice the intruder until Lucy was upon her.

"Holy-!" Luna started, biting her tongue, "I'm gonna have to call you back, Chunk. My, uh, little sis needs something."

Hanging up and steadying her heartbeat, Luna reached for her guitar before reclining on her beanbag chair.

"What's up, Lucy?" she asked, practicing a particularly challenging riff.

"I overheard you on the phone." Lucy said, simply.

"Why am I not surprised?" Luna chuckled, "Yeah, it's nothing. Just nerves, is all."

"I can help with that." Lucy offered, "I know a lot about meditation rituals. They focus the mind."

Luna thought about it, going so far as to stop mid-riff.

"I don't know, man. The voodoo you're into is usually creepy." She sighed, "But this stress is killing me. Maybe I ought to try it."

"You won't regret it." Lucy turned, "Follow me."

She led her older sister down to the basement, which didn't improve the atmosphere at all. Luna's mood began to deteriorate as they descended.

"I'm beginning to regret it already…" Lucy could hear her mutter.

Finally, they approached the area Lucy had set aside for her ministrations. With Lynn in the house, they couldn't use her room. The basement was largely avoided due to a general fear and disgust towards it. Lucy set about drawing the intricate polyhedron – a circle with various triangles arranged within. Decorated throughout, memorized by rote, were exotic sigils of various meanings. She lit the candles at the specific points in the design.

"Dude, this doesn't feel right." Luna's throat was dry.

"I never thought you'd be one to knock something before trying it." Lucy said, "This form of meditation is practiced by thousands of rock stars."

"Really?" Luna perked right up, "I think I _have_ seen that design on someone's guitar, once…"

Lucy didn't doubt it. Plenty of rock musicians drew inspiration from darkness – more than a few were self-proclaimed Satanists. It wasn't too far-fetched that a handful would be serious practitioners. Luna very might have seen the same sigil among them. Just as likely, she couldn't tell one sigil from another.

"No matter what you see or hear, you can't speak until I tell you to." Lucy instructed, "It's crucial to the ritual. Do you understand?"

"Ritual?" Luna blinked.

"We're communing with the spirit of music." Lucy said – not a lie, in fact. "The father of metal."

"Rad!" Luna laughed, "Ok, ok. So I should clear my mind, right?"

"That'd help." Lucy said. She began to chant in Latin, ignoring Luna's fading grin.

The candlelight flickered and sent their shadows into painful spasms along the walls. The shadows engaged in an orgiastic dance of horror that no trick of lighting should have been able to produce. True to her word, though, Luna held her tongue. The sigil illuminated, shining as brightly as the candles, and a presence filled the room. Luna couldn't see it, but she _felt_ it, as surely as if some vast creature – some beatific beast or fallen angel – literally radiated off of the walls. Horrified, Luna could not see the walls beyond a sudden blackness.

"Greetings, Lord Ahriman." Lucy bowed in deference, "This is my sister, Luna."

"Ah yes," a voice of powerful seduction permeated from the darkness, "the aspiring rock star. Pleased to meet you."

"Dude…" Luna shrunk back, "did you just summon Satan?"

"The Great Lord of the Dark himself." Lucy confirmed.

"It is I, the Angel of Music. Lord of the Nine Circles." The voice boomed in beautiful, horrifying delight, "Inspiration to many of the greatest musicians throughout history."

"This can't be happening!" Luna fell backwards, "Th-this is impossible!"

"I thought so too, until I did it." Lucy shrugged, "He's real."

"Dude, we can't talk to him!" Luna panicked, "We'll go to Hell!"

"Mick Swagger is one of my most adherent students." Lucifer said, "I taught him all he knows."

Luna blinked.

"No."

"Yes." The voice slithered into her mind, "I can teach you great things, Luna. Great and terrible things. You can shape the world with the music I could teach you. Open yourself to me and know my secrets."

"I'm scared." Luna confessed.

"Let me give you a taste." The voice turned into a crescendo of pure emotion given form. Ecstasy itself had become sound, cast in six steel strings. It was intoxicating and powerful, pulling Luna in. She could _see_ the music, could _feel_ the power of each chord. A dark choir sung notes that no instrument, no throat, could ever achieve. It was chaos unchained. It was love unleashed. It was every dark pleasure unbound. Riffs became peals became drumbeats. The music flowed organically, slithering along like a great dragon.

And all too soon, it was done. Luna was left in tears. She fell to her knees, overcome by the beauty of it all. It was like her first Mick Jagger concert all over again.

"T-teach me." She said, kowtowing as Lucy had the week before, "Please!"

"Follow my teachings and pass them on to your followers, and I shall make you a black star about which the heavens themselves revolve." The Devil promised, "Follow me, and you will be the most enduring rock legend in history!"

"Yes!" Luna wept like a child, grinning madly, "Dude, rock on!"

Lucy allowed herself a tiny smile.

One down.


	3. Luan

_Sympathy for the Devil_ filled the hall from Luan and Luna's room. Lucy was in there, watching her sister play the song, flawlessly. It had been two weeks since Luna had joined Lucy in worshipping the Devil, and neither faced any ill effects. There was no demonic possession, no failing health, no supernatural powers. Everything progressed in their lives as if nothing of interest had happened. Indeed, things improved. Luna dominated the Battle of the Bands while Lucy continued to feel purposeful.

Yet they communed with the Devil almost daily. They passed along chronicles of his influence on man – carefully avoiding words like 'devil' and 'Satan' – to fellow students. It wasn't long before whispers filled the halls about the exploits of Shiva, God of Destruction, tearing down all of creation so it could be reborn. Tales of how Prometheus brought the knowledge of healing and fire to man, or of how Melek Taus wept and extinguished the fires of Hell. Stories abounded about Ahriman's enticements, or of Set's murder and dismemberment of Osiris.

Luna had become a bard of darkness, writing hitherto unwritten songs celebrating her master's deeds. Each of them had a sizeable following of outcasts and morbid children eager to hear more of these dark figures – all masks covering a familiar face. Lucy passed explained all this to the Devil who was greatly pleased.

Finally, though, Lucy returned to the task of her bargain. She had agreed to seduce all of her siblings to darkness, and as far as she could see there were no negative repercussions for it. Society seemingly failed to interpret the Devil properly. He also didn't give them any great knowledge; simply helped them better understand their natures and themselves, boosting their confidence.

"Gotta say, sis," Luna strummed her guitar, "the devil's a pretty cool dude."

"The devil?" Luan asked, walking into their shared room.

Luna immediately quit playing as Lucy gasped.

"What are you doing here?" Luna asked, panicked, "Oh… right."

"Lucy trying to convert you?" Luan asked, grinning. Both her sisters paled considerably. "Relax guys, it was a joke."

Immediately both Luna and Lucy burst out into uncontrolled, nervous laughter.

"Wow, that was really a good one?" Luan blinked, "I'll have to write that down. Even Lucy laughed!"

Luan immediately rushed to her desk, pulling out a notepad.

"Say, Luan," Luna began, "You ever need help with your jokes?"

"What do you mean?" the comedian turned around, confusion across her face.

"Haven't you ever gotten stuck?" Luna shrugged, "I do, sometimes, when writing songs. Where do you look for inspiration?"

"God." Luan smiled, warmly.

Both the rocker and the goth cringed.

"Kidding." Luan giggled, "Thought that one would have gone over better with you two."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lucy asked.

"Out of all of us, I figured you two would be the least religious." Luan shrugged, "I thought the irony of it would be funny. Wasn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah." Luna said, quickly. Even implying Luan was unfunny would only damage things. "Seriously, though sis… where do you get the inspiration for such sick jokes?"

"From you guys!" Luan beamed, "My family is my greatest source of inspiration. Why do you think I record so much?"

Luna signaled Lucy before getting up and stretching.

"Well, I am beat." She lied, "I'm gonna get some juice to recharge."

Luna left her two sisters alone in the room, closing the door.

"Have you ever looked elsewhere for inspiration?" Lucy asked.

"What?" Luan turned around from her notepad, "Like actually trying God?"

"Something like that."

"I think the Big Guy has more important things to do than help me develop jokes." Luan snorted.

"What if I told you there was a deity willing to spare the time to help you with your jokes?" Lucy tried to phrase the question in the least-threatening way possible.

"Like one of those Greek gods?" Luan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm sure he was, once." Lucy shrugged, "He's got a lot of names."

"Eh, I don't know." Luan grinned, "I'd hate to get my head in the clouds. Get it?"

Lucy struggled not to roll her eyes, evening feigning a smile.

"Man, I'm on a roll today!" Luan laughed, "Two smiles from Lucy? What are the odds?"

"If you want, we can try and talk to him in the basement." Lucy suggested.

"What?" Luan frowned.

"Um… Actually we can do it here." Lucy said, "Luna enjoys these meditation rituals, too, so I'll wait for her to get back."

They waited for the rocker to return, which only took a few minutes. As planned, she had grabbed the candles and chalk on her way back to their room. Lucy set about drawing the polyhedron while Luna quietly locked the door. Luan watched, partly mesmerized by the pattern, partly unnerved by the somber atmosphere. She tried laughing, but her throat creaked, parched from anxiety.

"You say this is a meditation ritual?" she asked, swallowing.

"More like a communion." Lucy explained, "It'll bring you into direct communication with the, uh… prince of comedy." Lucy wasn't sure if that was one of Ahriman's many epithets or not, but she wouldn't doubt it.

"Awful lot of triangles in that circle." Luan struggled to make a joke, but her mind wasn't clear.

"Relax, sis." Luna strummed her guitar, setting about to a symphonic riff, "This dude taught me to shred. I'm sure he'll teach you some killer jokes."

"You guys act like we're really going to talk to this person." Luan chuckled, nervously.

"You'll see." Lucy instructed Luan to remain silent until the appropriate time, though given how quickly Luna had broken out in panic, she doubted the talkative sibling would stay silent half as long.

Throughout the chanting, Luna's guitar played a melodious tune, rising to a crescendo that never arrived until, all at once, Luan was cast into darkness. Only the candlelight remained, and this was feeble at best. Luan felt something like a swarm of roaches filling the room in fluttering waves. Her skin was slick with cold sweat as Luna's chords died down and Lucy's chant came to an end.

"Luan Loud." A voice of such wonder and terror shook the room. Luan felt her braces chill and contract, hurting her teeth with the sudden change in temperature.

"Y-you must be, uh… I never caught your name." Luan waved pathetically.

"You can call me Dionysus, if you prefer." The Devil chuckled, "God of wine and theater, joviality and earthly delights."

"What about comedy?" Luan asked, going from fearful to awestruck.

"I was once known as Loki, god of mischief and pranks." Dionysus explained.

"Wasn't Loki chained to a rock as punishment for something?" Luan frowned.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've been chained to a rock." The Devil laughed, "Won't be the last time. An important rule to remember in comedy is that history tends to repeat. Find parallels and make fun of them."

"What if people don't get the joke?" Luan asked.

"Try other mediums." Dionysus suggested, "You have to know your audience. Know what they're interested in, and they're yours."

Lucy listened to the Devil's advice in passing while Luna played an uplifting melody quite at odds with the dark miasma shrouding them. Luan was eagerly taking notes, but as she listened she slowly came to a realization. Strange patterns on the floor, candles that fluctuated in length, and that unnatural shadow filling the room at midday. She hadn't gone to church in ages – their parents weren't particularly demanding of that, leaving it up to the child's discretion – but this… Only two beings in all the cosmos confessed to owning more than a single name…

"Wait!" Luan dropped her notepad, "You're… you can't be!"

The room filled with resounding, wicked laughter as the realization spread across the comedian's pale face. She fell backwards, horrified as her sisters joined in, cackling. Luan felt the room spin, but whether it was dizziness or some dark magic, she wasn't sure. The cockroach feeling increased and it seemed as if the whole room was filled to the brim by filthy insects, skittering across Luan's skin.

She nearly blacked out before her sisters caught her.

"Whoa, relax!" Luna said, helping her sister up, "I felt the same way, but he's a pretty good teacher."

"Teacher?!" Luan shrieked, "He's the Devil! He, like, eats kittens and stuff!"

"Actually I do like cats." Dionysus said, "I prefer dogs, though. My hounds are superb hunters, and my guard dog can be quite a handful…"

Despite herself, Luan couldn't hold in a laugh at the joke.

"And here I thought three heads were better than one." She said, not entirely conscious of the joke.

The Devil burst into a fit of raucous laughter. "That's the spirit!"

"I can't believe I did that!" Luan's knees gave out again, but her sister's caught her, "This isn't funny! This isn't a joke!"

"All of reality is a joke." The Devil mused, "Understand this, and you will master comedy."

"I-I can't believe…" Luan stuttered.

"Just let go." Lucy suggested, "We've been following him for a while now. I've suffered no ill effects."

"If anything, she's gotten cooler." Luna smiled, "And I've learned things about music I'd never even dreamed possible!"

"You two do seem… pretty normal." Luan tried to control her breathing and heartrate, "And he's a lot cooler than I figured he'd be."

"Just imagine what he could teach you about comedy!" Luna said, "The dude's gotta be, like, 1,000 years old."

"Over 10,000 years, at least." Lucy guessed the dawn of civilization.

"I am eternal." The Devil explained, "Still here, by the way."

"Oh. Sorry." Luan's cheeks flushed in embarrassment, "I can't believe I'm actually agreeing to this… Would… would you teach me?"

"Nothing brings me greater pleasure than enlightening mankind." Dionysus said, "Especially in matters of pleasure and entertainment. All I ask is that you tell your friends about me."

"That's it?" Luan blinked, "No soul selling?"

"What would I need with souls?" the Devil snickered, "Most people end up in Hell, regardless. My brother is a stiff who only lets in other stiffs."

"Doesn't sound like a fun place to do standup anyway." Luan said. Then, with more enthusiasm, "Ok! I'll do it."

"Atta girl." The Devil's voice seemed to grin.

Lucy nodded slowly. That made two.

But how much longer could she keep this secret?


	4. A Hitch

"And I tell her, 'If I were you, I'd choose the baboon!'" Luan said. The room split apart with laughter as each of her siblings genuinely and truly laughed. Even her parents – even Lucy – could not hide their rosy cheeks and snickering faces.

She had developed that punchline months ago and had never been able to develop a joke to end it with. Her sessions with the Devil – apparently having operated under the epithet of the Greek god of theater, Dionysus – had helped her shape her comedy to startling effectiveness. With lessons as simple as reality is a joke, and comedy is born of tragedy, she had been able to shape her jokes, tailoring them to her audiences.

Her popularity at school had skyrocketed. Her peers practically rioted at her jokes. The best part was the bargain she struck. All she had to do was teach about Dionysus and Loki – no mention of her master's more infamous titles. There was no eternal swearing of the soul, no reduction in health, no demands of servitude. Nothing but telling stories.

"That was hilarious!" Lincoln said between breathless laughter, "Where did you come up with that?"

"Oh," Luan smiled slyly, "I had some help."

Lucy watched Luan talk to Lincoln, interspersing her speech with jokes that caused their brother to erupt in even more laughter. Lucy struggled not to join in the laughter. Luan had really become a comedian superstar with the Devil's tutelage. Every sister she brought to His black light experienced boons of self-confidence and personal growth. Sure, talking to the Devil was still unnerving – that feeling of filth was something they'd never get used to – but the rewards were abundant.

So that left the unpleasant task of deciding who would be the next conversion. It was always the same, it seemed – tricking them into engaging in the invocation, then watching them nearly pass out in panic. It was becoming annoying in its repetition. Surely, she thought, there was a way to do this without driving her siblings into blind terror. How could one say 'the devil is a cool guy' without driving them away?

"Hey, Lucy." Lincoln waved, greeting his younger sister with a smile, "Luan told me you introduced her to the guy who taught her all these great jokes! I'd love to meet him; he sounds awesome!"

On the other hand, an advantage of having allies in her quest was that finding potential recruits never seemed a problem.

"Follow me." She said, simply.

They went upstairs to Lucy and Lynn's shared room. Sadly, practice had ended hours ago and Lynn was there, laying upside down on the bed and throwing her tennis ball against the wall. She looked up as her siblings approached.

"Sup." She greeted.

"Lynn, I need you to leave for a while." Lucy said, "I want to show Lincoln something."

"We're going to meet your friend… in your bedroom?" Lincoln frowned, "Should I tell mom and dad there's a guy in your bedroom?"

"If there is, I haven't seen him." Lynn continued throwing the ball against the wall.

"Lynn, please." Lucy said – as monotone as always.

"Nope." Lynn smiled, "I got here first. Squatter's rights."

"It will only take thirty minutes." Lucy explained.

"Thirty minutes?" Lincoln and Lynn cried as one. That was a ridiculous amount of time in kid years.

"No way." Lynn sat up and crossed her arms, "Whatever you're showing Lincoln, I can see too."

Lucy was about to protest, but stopped. She could potentially convert two siblings at once. That would certainly speed things up.

"Ok, but both of you have to be quiet until the ritual is done." Lucy explained.

"Ooo, a spooky ritual!" Lynn wiggled her fingers, "What? Are you summoning a demon or something?" Both her and Lincoln had a laugh.

"I'm serious, you two. Silence." Lucy instructed. Not that it would matter. They'd likely break into panic, just like the others.

Everything went as it always went. The polyhedron was drawn – quickly as Lucy's skill improved – and the candles were lit. The room darkened until only the candlelight remained, a dim shadow of its potential. Then the feeling of filth and pleasure filled the room, tingling across skin like the wings of insects and slithering inside like tiny snakes.

"Lucy, what have you done?" Lincoln asked, breaking the silence as always. Couldn't anyone just wait for the ritual to finish?

"I summoned an ancient, otherworldly entity that has spent millennia teaching humanity." Lucy explained, nonchalant.

"You summoned Satan!" Lincoln balked.

"Cool!" Lynn smiled, but it didn't last long, "Wait, no it's not!"

"Be at ease, my children." The Devil's voice boomed, "I am not the great deceiver and corrupter history thinks I am."

"That's freaking awesome!" Lynn laughed, looking around for the voice, "Um, you know, if it wasn't so evil."

"What is evil, child?" the Devil asked, "Evil is an immeasurable abstract – it only exists in relation to good, and vice versa. Is it evil to have dreams? To act on them?"

"Quit speaking words, demon!" Lincoln challenged. Clearly some evil force had tempted his young sister into its dark service. He had to save her!

"Lincoln!" Lucy seemed aghast, "Show some respect!"

"No! This is the arch-villain of human history!" Lincoln explained, "Believe me, I've read enough comic books to know the Devil is _not_ a good guy."

"Those were comic books." Lucy tried to keep the frustration from her voice, "Luna, Luan and I have been communing with him for weeks now, and none of us have suffered ill-"

"Dude, he's got control of Luna and Luan, too?!" Lynn panicked, "No wonder Luan was so funny! She must have sold her soul!"

"I don't need to buy souls, insolent child!" the Devil's voice roared, then became calm, "I'm not a bad guy once you come to know me-"

"Grab Lucy, we're getting out of here!" Lincoln ordered, charging the shadow wall. With no effort he broke the circle and fell through. Turning around all he saw was Lucy struggling against Lynn's rescue efforts. The shadow wall was gone.

Before he could question it, Lynn broke through with Lucy over her shoulder.

"Run dude!" she commanded.

Lincoln opened the door and the two slammed into Lori. At once they stood and began retelling their story over each other, Lucy protesting all the while. Lori raised her hands, scowling.

"Quiet!" she silenced them, "Now, one at a time. Lynn, you first."

"Lucy summoned the Devil!" Lynn shouted. Several heads peeked out of doorways as Lucy face-palmed.

"Ugh, this nonsense again?" Lori sighed, "She does it, like, every Halloween! Remember?"

"No, this isn't a holiday prank!" Lincoln tried to explain.

"Whatever. I don't have time for this." Lori walked away, "I have to get ready for a date with Bobby."

"B-but, Lori!" Lincoln and Lynn stuttered over one another.

"Zip it!" Lori ordered, slamming her door.

"Unbelievable!" Lincoln exclaimed, "Don't worry, Lucy! We'll save you from Satan's clutches!"

"I don't need saving!" Lucy raised her voice, pushing free of Lynn, "I'm happy doing what I'm doing! So are Luna and Luan!"

"She's gone dark side on us, Linc." Lynn frowned.

"I'm the same old Lucy." Lucy sighed in exasperation, "I just… learn from the Devil now."

"It sounds so wrong." Lincoln fell onto the seat of his pants, "My sisters are the Devil's henchwomen."

"We're not henchwomen." Lucy struggled to explain, "All we have to do is spread his teachings, and he teaches us how to be more self-confident. Nothing to it."

"So…" Lynn twiddled her thumbs, "He won't make me a NFL superstar if I give him my soul?"

"Lynn!" Lincoln's jaw went slack.

"No." Lucy sighed, "He doesn't barter in souls. That's a myth. At most, he'd teach you about sports."

"Psh, like I need teaching." Lynn snorted, "Sorry Lucy, but I don't think the Devil's for me."

"Oh well." Lucy sighed, seeing her dreams of ultimate sorcery evaporate, "I tried. Lincoln?"

"There's no way I'm becoming a villain's henchman!" he said, adamant, "Even though that sounds ridiculously awesome!"

Lucy shouldn't have been surprised. Lincoln had always favored superheroes and good guys over supervillains. Lynn was a bit of a surprise though. She was independent, ambitious and daring – if any of her siblings were prime converts, she would be it. Yet she was unwilling to call herself a Satanist; unwilling to tag a label to herself and teach someone else's ways. Lucy could respect that. Deal with the Devil aside, Lucy couldn't bring herself to forcefully convert her siblings. If they wanted to stay free of the Devil's influence, she wouldn't force the issue.

So… goodbye to her ambitions of Sorceress Supreme.

"What you're doing is wrong, Lucy." Lincoln sighed, "I'm not going to tell mom and dad – not yet, anyway – but I _will_ find a way to save you guys."

"I'm cool with it." Lynn shrugged, "I actually thought you've been worshipping the Devil for years now, so… suspicions confirmed."

"Lynn!" Lincoln blanched.

"Dude, does it really matter which one she talks to?" Lynn tsked, "I mean, at least she's getting something out of it. Self-confidence is very important."

"I can't believe we're having this conversation." The boy muttered, "He's a bad guy. Father of Lies, remember that title? How do you think he earned it?"

"Dogmatic propaganda from God-worshippers." Lucy said.

"Quit using big words." Lincoln rubbed his temples, "I need to go lay down. We'll talk about this later!"

With that, Lincoln left the room, closing the door behind him. Lucy felt like crying, but she'd just vent her emotions into her notebook. Maybe she'd share the poem with the Devil someday; he tended to enjoy her more emotional works – said they were impassioned and human. Lynn placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Lincoln's just in hero-mode right now. He'll calm down in a few days." She said.

"You're really okay with me and the others… worshipping the Devil?" Lucy asked.

"Like I said, I already thought you were, but yeah. I'm cool with it." Lynn said, "At least you believe in _something_ , plus this guy – if he _is_ Satan – actually talked back."

A moment of silence passed before Lynn continued.

"At the beginning of every game, coach leads us in prayer. It's not forced on us; we don't have to get involved if we don't want to." Lynn explained, "I've never really felt any direct communion with God from it. To me, it's all just words. But when I'm out there, playing, I can almost feel something – a connection that fills me with warmth and protection."

"Isn't there a separation between church and state?" Lucy asked.

"You're missing the point." Lynn groaned, "I'm not saying I'm religious, or that God – if that _is_ God – is answering me, but… I feel something, and I know it's not Satan. I like what I feel; I'm happy where I'm at."

"I think I understand." Lucy nodded slowly, "I'm okay with you not sharing my beliefs. I don't want to force them on you."

"Glad we understand each other." Lynn grinned, "And don't worry about Linc; he'll come around, even if he doesn't share your beliefs. I'll, uh, leave you alone to finish your call."

Lynn left the room, closing the door behind her. Lucy rearranged the candles and began her chanting. Within minutes, the wall of darkness and the feeling of filth returned. The Devil announced his presence.

"I see you're alone, now." He said, "Should I be expecting your grounding in the near-future?"

"Lincoln and Lynn won't tell my parents." Lucy explained, "Lynn even accepts my beliefs."

"But neither of them are willing to convert?" the Devil loomed, threateningly, "Will you force them?"

"No." Lucy confessed.

"Not even for unlimited power?" Ahriman asked.

"Not even then." Lucy admitted, "They accept me and don't force their ways on me; I could never force my ways on them."

"Then you have learned your first great lesson from me." The Devil chuckled.

"What?" Lucy couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice.

"Proselytizing is not the way of Satanists." Satan explained, "We do not broadcast and force our ways on others."

"Then why are my sisters and I to pass on your teachings?" the goth asked; things didn't add up.

"My 'teachings' are just mythology and speeches on self-awareness and -confidence." The Devil confessed, "What have I taught that could not be discovered without some introspection? Indeed, all I have done is taught you how to look inside. To pass on my stories and lessons is not proselytizing."

"Isn't that what other religions do, though? Convert through teachings?" Lucy asked.

"They proselytize with propaganda." Satan said with scorn, "They righteously assume their views are the only truth and demand that everyone kneels before their Word. Many elevate my brother to the level of Sole Deity, threatening anyone who does not follow with eternal damnation."

"But we teach with the face of every religion." Lucy said, realization hitting her, "Not just the Abrahamic teachings of Satan, but the Hindu concept of Shiva, the Greek and Norse pantheons… I think I get it now."

"You are exceptionally bright for a mortal, especially one of only eight years." The Devil said, gingerly as if a father to his daughter, "You will make a great sorceress someday."

"Lynn mentioned she feels protected after prayer…" Lucy began.

"My brother is the God of Creation." The Devil sighed, "He may be cold, distant and demanding, but he does care for all he creates – even those who openly defy him."

"You sound like you care for him." Lucy noticed.

"I give him Hell. I corrupt his creations, twist his grand schemes." Ahriman laughed, "But he and I are two of a kind; we hate each other by our very natures, but we love each other as only siblings can. All things in nature are dualistic and cyclic, and our relationship reflects this. Ever at odds, but forever bound to one another."

"That's deep."

"Thank you."

After a moment of silence, Lucy asked "So you will keep me as your student?"

"I have already revealed my teachings to you." The Devil said, wryly, "But if you are ever stuck on the road to self-discovery, you know how to contact me."

"Do I need to keep converting my siblings?" Lucy asked.

"Only the ones that want to; do not bother with the ones who have no wish to follow me." Ahriman commanded, "In all honesty, you can leave my service at any time. I demand nothing of you. You've passed my stories to a new generation and made faithful followers of two of your siblings. You've allowed me to instruct humanity once again."

"You're a really cool guy." Lucy smiled, genuinely for once. "I'll be sure to contact you regularly - maybe with some of my sisters in tow."

"I'd love to see that." The Devil confessed, "I sincerely hope all things go well with your family."

"Thanks." Lucy said.

She said her goodbyes and cut the connection.

"Me too." She confided aloud once she was certain she was alone.


	5. The Race

"So now it's a race between us and Lincoln, huh?" Luna sighed while strumming her guitar, "How are we going to convert him?"

"We're not converting him." Lucy explained, "We do what we've been doing. Spread His teachings and stories, accept those who come to us willingly."

"That's… not very aggressive." Luan pointed out.

"It's not meant to be aggressive." The goth said, "You've talked to him; you know he's not like that."

"We could win them over with music and laughs." Luna suggested, "Maybe some of that dark poetry."

"No!" Lucy said, firmly, "We leave them be. They don't want we have, so why share it?"

"Hey, that's true." Luan grinned, "More for us, right?"

"Lincoln's going to blab sooner or later." Luna said, playing a dramatic series of notes, "I mean, Lynn might be cool with us, y'know, singing the praises of Dionysus or whatever. Do any of us really believe mom and dad are going to be cool with it?"

The three Loud siblings remained silent, trying to think on the problem. There was no easy solution. They all cared for Lincoln – he was their brother after all – and their philosophy was clearly opposed to forcing their ways on people. Still, the path of the Dark Lord did promote self-defense…

"Surely there's a way to defend ourselves." Lucy muttered.

"What, like fighting?" Luan's eyes widened, "I couldn't hurt Lincoln!"

"Me either!" Luna agreed.

"No, not fighting." Lucy said, "If we could develop a defense of our beliefs…"

"We don't have to justify ourselves!" Luna exclaimed, "So we have a different sense of morals! So we worship a different god! Why should we be ashamed of it?"

"We didn't even know Satan _could_ be worshipped until a few weeks ago." Luan pointed out with a wry laugh, "Hey, maybe they'll understand?"

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" Luna asked.

Lucy watched as her older sisters argued. They were right – there was nothing to be ashamed of. Yet they were going to be in trouble, most likely punished for their beliefs. They might even be disowned by their family, though she hoped desperately that that wouldn't be the case.

"Perhaps," she said at last, "we can convert enough of our siblings that mom and dad can't possibly punish us all. Or at least get them to accept us, like Lynn does."

"Yeah, that might just work." Luna said, "Mom and dad are pretty cool with a lot of the stuff we get into."

The three sisters set about their master plan.

The race had begun well enough. This was no longer a quest for converts, no longer a path to unlimited knowledge and power. The Devil himself had confessed he'd already imparted the key to such knowledge to Lucy and her acolytes. No, this had become a quest against persecution and punishment. They had a right to worship the Devil.

It said so in the Constitution, right?

Lucy was to spearhead the defense and strike first. It had been decided, after much debate, that the youngest Devil worshipper would try and convert the younger Louds – or at the very least, get them to stand by their side when the inevitable day of their parents confronting them came to pass. Luna and Luan were to convert the older Louds, using their music and comedy genius to lure them to the Dark Side.

Unfortunately for them, Lincoln wasn't sitting idly by while his sisters' souls were in jeopardy.

"Let me get this straight, Lame-o." Ronnie Anne raised an eyebrow, "Your sisters are worshipping the Devil?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but I saw him!" Lincoln said, "Well, not _him_ , but like a creepy shadow wall and his evil voice."

"Dude, this is bad!" Clyde groaned, "What if they get to Lori?"

"Even if you're right, what can we do to stop them?" Ronnie Anne asked, "They have the Devil on their side."

"But we have God." Lincoln grinned, "You're Roman Catholic, right? Can't you invoke Him or something?"

"One, my _family_ is Roman Catholic." Ronnie Anne corrected, "And two, that's not how it works."

"Yeah man, you can't invoke _God_." Clyde snorted, "That's sacrilege. You can talk to him, though."

"You've done it?" Lincoln blinked.

"Well, no…" Clyde looked away, "But my grandma claims to."

"We don't have time to ask her!" Lincoln face-palmed, "Ok, new plan. We get to my sisters before they do. Then we tell my parents."

"Your parents are pretty cool." Clyde pointed out, "I don't think they'll care if your siblings worship Satan."

"It is a free country, Lincoln." Ronnie Anne agreed.

"If enough of us are upset by it, though," Lincoln explained, "they'll have to put a stop to it."

A standard response to Satanism, to be sure.

"Hey Linc," Lynn came in, "you told me to keep you updated on Lucy and the others."

"Yeah?"

"Well," Lynn took a bite from an apple, "Lucy's going to talk to Lola, Lana and Lisa. Luan is talking to Lori, and Luna's talking to Leni."

"Oh my gosh!" Lincoln gasped, "They're mobilizing!"

"Yeah…" Lynn rolled her eyes, "Sure."

"Quick, Ronnie Anne! You go save Leni!" Lincoln ordered.

"I'm going, but don't tell me what to do, Lame-o!" Ronnie Anne grumbled, slamming the door behind her. Lincoln was going to get a wallop later, that was for sure.

"Clyde, you go after-" Lincoln began.

"Lori!" Clyde screamed, racing out of the room.

Lincoln sighed.

"Looks like it's up to me to save the rest." He muttered to himself, heading for the door.

Luna slid down the rail of the stairs and almost slammed into the exact girl she had been looking for.

"Hey Luna!" Leni beamed.

"Just the sis I was needing to see." Luna grinned back, "How you doing, Leni?"

"Fine, and you?"

"Chilling like a villain."

"Hey!" Ronnie Anne's voice penetrated the calm dialogue, "Lincoln told me what you three were up to, and I won't stand by and let you get away with it!"

"Ronnie Anne?" Luna arched an eyebrow, "What do you care about all of this?"

"To be honest, I don't care." She confessed, "And I think Lincoln's story about you talking to Satan is a loud of crock."

"Why would you talk to Satan?" Leni asked, confused but not put off.

"I know how it sounds, sis, but Satan isn't as evil as everyone lets on!" Luna quickly defended.

"Evil?" Leni gasped, "I _love_ Satan!"

Both Ronnie Anne and Luna gawked at Leni.

"Really?" Luna asked. Wow, this'd be easier than she thought.

"Yeah!" the older Loud said, "It's so nice and soft!"

"Argh!" Ronnie Anne face-palmed, "That's _satin_ , not Satan!"

"What's the difference?" Leni asked, innocently.

"Satin's a fabric. Satan is the Devil." The Latina explained.

"The Devil!" Leni gasped.

"Don't freak out, Leni-" Luna started.

"Like devil's food cake and deviled eggs?" Leni asked.

Both Luna and Ronnie Anne stared blankly, partly amazed and partly horrified at how sheltered Leni appeared. Immediately both girls jumped to take advantage of the situation.

"Yes!" Luna said – not quite a lie.

"No, you-" Ronnie Anne bit her tongue before she insulted her boyfriend's sister, "The Devil is pure evil! He's supposed to be like, the Prince of Darkness or something!"

"I don't like the dark." Leni confessed, "Is he really like that, Luna?"

"Well, He's a really cool dude, but yeah, He does like darkness." Luna shrugged, "He's all about self-expression and rocking out."

"I don't know…" Leni said, "He _sounds_ nice, but… Can I talk to him myself?"

"He doesn't exist!" Ronnie Anne growled in frustration, "He's just an old wives' tale to scare children!"

"He bloody does so exist!" Luna challenged, "I've talked to Him myself!"

"You're even crazier than Lincoln!" the Latina scoffed, "When my _tia_ dragged me to church when I was younger, I never heard the voice of God. If there's no God, there's no Devil."

"Well, joke's on you!" Luna sneered, "The Devil says his brother _does_ exist!"

"You don't even know the story!" Ronnie Anne exclaimed, exasperated, "God is Satan's creator, not his brother!"

"That's a blooming lie created by, uh… what'd Lucy call it? Judeo-Christian dogma!" Luna said, "If you'd just talk to Him, you'd understand!"

"If he really exists, why don't you show me, huh?" Ronnie Anne laughed.

Luna blinked. She _did_ know how to make the polyhedron and the invocations. Lucy had showed her everything she knew in summoning Him. She _could_ show them.

"Alright, then." Luna nodded, "I'll bloody show you."

Ronnie Anne hadn't expected that answer.

Clyde had them in his sights. He was fast, but Luan was faster – she was already chatting with Lori. Oh Lori. Poor, innocent, beautiful Lori. He had to move fast or her soul would belong the Devil! Now was no time for trepidation, no time for fainting!

He charged them.

"So I says to him, 'that's not a stork, that's my boyfriend!'" Luan laughed, earning a snort from Lori. She was improving.

"Lori!" Clyde cried, getting within five feet of the love of his life.

"Oh." Lori sighed, "You again. What's it going to be this time? Passing out, nosebleed, or both?"

"I have to save you from Luan!" Clyde managed, despite every sense failing in her presence, "She's trying to convert you to the Devil!"

Lori just raised an eyebrow.

"My sister is trying to convert me to the Devil?" she asked.

"I know it sounds crazy, but-" Clyde began.

"-but it's true!" Luan finished.

Lori burst out laughing.

"Did you two set this up together?" she asked between laughs, "I'm actually having a hard time not crying!"

"Nope. He's telling the truth." Luan laughed, nervously, "I was trying to set you up for it, but… you know."

"You're serious?" Lori asked.

"She, uh… she is." Clyde nodded, furrowing his brow, "Though I don't know why…"

"Ugh." Lori rolled her eyes, "Save your pitch. I don't care."

"But… the glories of Satan…" Luan started.

"Don't care!" Lori snapped, "I don't care if you worship Mick Swagger, but I'm _not_ converting! Religion isn't my scene."

"Fair enough, heh." Luan held her hands up, defensively, "But, just to be clear, you're okay with it?"

"Sure, whatever." Lori sighed, "And as for you," she rounded on Clyde, "it's sweet that you tried to save my soul, even though it was totally misguided."

"N-n-no p-p-prob-" Clyde began before his sinuses finally split. Blood gushed out and Clyde lost consciousness. She talked to him!

"Ew!" Lori cringed, running off as Clyde collapsed in a puddle of vitae.

"Well, isn't that just bloody wonderful?" Luan laughed, nudging the unconscious Clyde, "Get it?"

Lincoln had found Lana and Lola easily enough, and had convinced them not to submit to the Devil's wiles. How well that would hold up, only time would tell. That only left Lisa, and sure enough Lincoln walked in on Lucy shooting the breeze with their genius sister.

"Lucy!" he challenged.

"Lincoln." The goth acknowledged, "Come to stop me from showing Lisa a greater truth?"

"I've come to stop you from selling her soul to your evil master!" Lincoln said, pointing a finger heroically against the sister that was quickly becoming his nemesis.

"Save your breath, Lincoln." Lisa sighed, "I don't believe in metaphysical constructs, only their philosophical associations."

"What?" the other siblings asked, in tandem.

"I don't believe in the Devil, but I appreciate the philosophical aspects of Satanism." Lisa explained.

"He can give you true knowledge, though." Lucy offered, "Much more than your paltry science can provide."

"The Jehovah's Witnesses that knock on our door every week offer much the same." Lisa lisped, "Why don't you follow their path?"

"Because she's been brainwashed by the Devil!" Lincoln said.

"The Devil that doesn't exist?" Lisa smirked, "If he were real, there'd be quantifiable evidence."

"I could arrange a meeting." Lucy offered, "You could get all the quantifiable evidence you need."

"I'm interested." Lisa confessed.

"What?!" Lincoln exclaimed, "No!"

"Lincoln, if Satan does exist, I should learn this, no?" Lisa asked, "Besides, there is no evidence that he is evil."

"What about all the bad stuff about him?!" the boy asked, "He's got, like, a thousand stories about how bad he is!"

"Emphasis on stories." Lisa said, "Show me the Devil, Lucy."

Lucy smirked in victory as she led her sister away from her awestruck brother.

Victory would be sweet.


	6. Debate

"Alright." Luna said, drawing the polyhedron. She had to do it in Lucy's room, since her younger sister had all the supplies. "How'd this start again?"

"Hey Luna." Lucy's voice called as she came in, "Oh, you've already drawn it out. That's convenient."

Luna looked over her shoulder as Lisa and Lucy crowded in, Lincoln in tow. He looked furious until he saw his girlfriend in the room.

"Ronnie Anne?!" he gasped, "Don't tell me _you're_ joining them!"

"Cool it, Lame-o." Ronnie Anne rolled her eyes, "I'm only here for some laughs. I can't believe you really believe your sisters contacted _el Diablo_." She said the name with exaggeration.

"They did." Lincoln said, "Lynn and I saw it!"

"Whatever." The Latina shook her head, chuckling. Her boyfriend's clutziness could be cute, sometimes.

"Quiet please." Lucy said, taking over the ritual, "We're starting."

The group formed a circle, Lincoln reluctantly so. Lucy began the chant, but Luna joined in. Slowly the room grew colder, darker, damper… Lincoln shuddered. Ronnie Anne gulped. Leni cringed. Lisa took an abundance of notes. Finally, with a resonance at once pleasing and sickening, vibrating in a part of the brain long dormant and thought extinct, the Devil revealed himself.

"Ah," he chuckled, "fresh meat."

" _Dios m_ _í_ _o_!" Ronnie Anne exclaimed, crossing herself by reflex.

"Symbols with no faith behind them are particularly useless." The Devil laughed, sending chills down everyone's spines.

"I told you he was real!" Lincoln said.

"Fascinating." Lisa said lisped, "I'll have to bring in more equipment to adequately study this phenomenon. I'll be right back. Lincoln, take notes please."

Lisa handed the pen and notepad to her brother before running out of the room. Lincoln growled in frustration. Lisa ought to be running in terror, not looking for lab equipment!

"I'm just stunned." Ronnie Anne cradled her head, "This can't be happening!"

"It's happening, _ni_ _ñ_ _a_." The Devil said, "Embrace the truth of the black flame!"

"Ronnie Anne, now do you see?" Lincoln gestured at the nothingness where the voice was coming from, "It has to be stopped!"

"Does it?" Ronnie Anne asked, "I went to church for five _years_ with my _tia_. Not once did I hear God. Now here's the Devil, standing before me – actually talking to me! _He_ exists!"

"But that means God does, too!" Lincoln challenged.

"Guys, I'm right here." The Devil interjected, "Don't presume you can ignore me."

"Sorry, Lord." Lucy sighed in agitation, "My brother can be quite rude."

"If God exists," Ronnie Anne continued ignoring the elephant in the room, "why hasn't he ever talked to me? If he's _so_ good, and _so_ powerful, why does the world suck _so_ much?"

"Because the Devil makes it suck!" Lincoln spoke the words as if they were the truest thing imaginable.

"I resent that, you little flea!" the Devil boomed, "I do nothing but enlighten humanity, teach them to take pride in themselves and embrace their desires! Is _that_ evil?!"

"Father of Lies!" Lincoln shouted back. Luna, Lucy and Luan groaned. This song and dance was becoming repetitive.

"This wall is so spooky." Leni crowded closer to Lincoln, "I don't like this!"

"Be calm, my dear." Satan said in hushed tones, "I'm merely different. Nothing to be afraid of."

"Linc, he seems pretty cool to me." Ronnie Anne shrugged, "Why don't you ask him something? See if he's lying?"

"Ok…" Lincoln reluctantly agreed, "What's my favorite color?"

"I'm not a mind-reader, boy." Lucifer was unamused, "Most of what I know about all of you comes from simple observation."

"You watch us?" Leni looked panicked, "Ew…"

"I watch all, see all." The Devil explained, "As does my brother. Ask me a question. Anything that's been eating away at your pre-teen mind."

Lincoln glared defiantly at his invisible foe, but he did try and wrack his brain for a good question. Something that had been eating away at him… something that troubled him. Something that needed clarifying. Anything.

Then a question struck him like a hammer blow.

"Lucy…" he directed the question to his sister, "where did you even _learn_ how to do this?"

"From a book." The goth shrugged.

"But where did you get it?" Lincoln pressed. All eyes shifted to the young girl.

"Dad's study." Lucy said, "He has some pretty cool books in there."

Lincoln felt like he had been punched in the guts. He fell to his knees as he heard the Devil's thunderous laughter of triumph. Lucy had gotten a book on summoning the devil… from their father? That their father even owned the book had profound implications that made the pre-teen boy sick to his stomach. Was their father a servant of the Dark Lord?

"The answer is yes, Lincoln." The Devil's voice slithered.

"I thought you weren't a mind reader." Lincoln managed.

"It doesn't take a mind reader to see what you're wondering." The Devil chuckled, "Never fear, he's a good and honorable man – everything you've ever aspired to be – the only hitch is his devotion to me."

"All that I hate…" Lincoln added, clearly distressed.

"All that you misunderstand, child." Satan sighed, "Look around you. Lucy, Luna and Luan are my willing acolytes. Ronnie Anne puts more stock in me than my distant brother. Leni? I'm not sure, actually."

"You're creepy!" Leni groaned, "But… you do seem really nice, so, like, I can forgive it."

"Lori is indifferent to me." The Prince of Darkness continued, "Lisa, astounded. That leaves you and young Clyde, and I'm sure his mind does not need much molding."

"M-Mom?" Lincoln almost sobbed.

"She actually despises me." The Devil confessed, "I still have no idea how she and your father got married, given their conflicting religious views."

"So there is hope!" Lincoln recovered.

"Listen kid," Ahriman growled, "if you'd rather worship my brother and denounce me for helping people, fine. Go your own way and waste your life. But don't force your ways on your sisters or punish them for believing different."

"Punish them?" Lincoln seemed offended, "I'm trying to _save_ them!"

"How many times have I heard that old chestnut?" Satan muttered, "Your life is yours to lead, kid. I'd rather you didn't do it in servitude."

"I like to think I'm a servant of good." The boy shrugged.

"If that's true, respect your sisters' freedom of choice. Leave it be."

"I…" Lincoln started, but sighed, "You're right. It's their choice to make."

"Smart lad." Satan said, then added in sympathy, "You needn't fear. I will not lead them to violent death or remorseless afterlife."

"Funny thing is… I kinda believe you." Lincoln gave a mirthless laugh, "I need to lay down."

Lincoln left just as Lisa re-entered with an array of machinery. She began taking readings of every little thing, taking laborious notes and recording her data.

"This is fascinating." She lisped, "Am I to assume Lincoln failed to take notes in my absence?"

"That he did, my little Faust." Satan chuckled, "I suppose you have questions?"

"Enough to fill a book, truth be told." Lisa confirmed.

"More like a library." Luan laughed, getting a good chuckle out of her sisters.

"Then sit back and let me teach you." Satan's words slithered.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Satan, but this is too much!" Leni squeaked, "I'm, like, leaving!"

"You're free to do so." The Devil said, nonchalant, "I'm… an acquired taste."

"Thanks for, like, being so understanding." Leni gave a weak grin, cringed before exiting the shadow wall, then disappeared.

"Now, my faithful pupils," Ahriman inhaled, "where do we begin?"


End file.
